Bookies predicted we would begin to hate Fantasy Football in under 5.5 game weeks. Coming in at exactly 5 game weeks we tip our hats to the nous of the traders in the Paddy Power Tower, who have surprisingly placed us as favourites to take the Birmingham job. I guess they’re not right all the time.
Our prediction was as close to right as you could predict, with our total points equaling 1 less than predicted with 49 points instead of 50. But when people captain Aguero who almost matches our total it makes our week look even worse. In the grand scheme of things, a 50 point average normally leaves you quite high in the rankings at the end of the season and we have outdone that so far, so thankfully the bookies have performed quite well.
One thing we understand, is that the bookies aren’t always right, and sometimes our team will do poorly thanks to it, Alexis Sanchez and Dele Alli are a testament to that. For every time a player is 50% likely to score, they are also 50% unlikely to score, and sometimes things happen and they don’t. But also remember, bookies always win! With our team’s poor form of late, we have taken immediate action, and,
WE HAVE PLAYED OUR WILDCARD
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Rob Elliot – 3 points
Despite keeping a clean sheet in his last two game weeks it was this week that the bookies had him as a higher favourite than Hennessy. A 2-1 win for Newcastle saw them concede for the first time since Gameweek 2. Elliot had a lot of work to do and managed to get a save point. Listen to his riveting analysis of how the season has gone, below. A career in punditry awaits.
Eric Bailly – 5 points
Another clean sheet for Manchester United making it 4 clean sheets out of 5 so far this season. Everton failed to threaten much despite playing better than previous games. A silly tackle from Eric Bailly saw him get a yellow card, that’s 2 for him this season. Getting 4 clean sheets and a goal this season is phenomenal form. The type of form which makes him a key player to have this season.
Joel Matip – 2 points
The old adage that you “can’t trust a fart”, rings home, when you are thinking about clean sheets and Liverpool. Liverpool failed to keep a clean sheet against a notoriously poor traveling side in Burnley. While many Liverpool fans think Matip is a quality defender, performances like this won’t make many others believe so. With his marauding runs leaving Liverpool fans breathless, mainly for the fear that he was leaving Lovren alone at the back. Never trust a Liverpool defender.
Status: I wish I didn’t bring you in for Yoshida.
Marcos Alonso – 6 points
In a game where nobody was expecting a 0-0, it will please all Marcos Alonso owners that he kept another clean sheet. The game was quite boring from a neutral perspective and the majority of the chances fell to Arsenal, so it’s quite fortunate that Alonso got his 6 points. With a tough away fixture to Stoke, and a game against Man City coming up, Alonso for the first time this season is becoming droppable.
Henrikh Mkhitaryan – 9 points
I swear, and I honestly mean this, Mkhy was so so close from being rage removed from my personal team due to his performance. But once again, he manages to score and do something after doing nothing for the majority of the game. The midfielder maestro already has 5 assists to his name but had yet to find the back of the net prior to this game. Lukaku played a lovely through ball to Henrikh and he obliged by slotting it into the back of the net. He also picked up 1 bonus point.
Alexis Sanchez – 1 point
Alexis Sanchez failed to start again despite starting in the Europa league on Thursday. In such a big game for Arsenal, it was a big call by Wenger to not play him. Especially with Ozil Injured. Sanchez is really starting to look like a waste of money. Arsenal are playing West Brom at home next, and come up against Brighton and Watford soon after, Alexis is surely set for some massively high-scoring fixtures coming up.
Status: Keep [HE WILL COME GOOD OKAY?]
Dele Alli(C) – 6 points
Dele Alli had the highest expected points this week and that’s why he was this weeks captain. A blank for Alli meant the bookies have now had two captaincy fails in two weeks, and they think we’re the mugs. That being said he did score the winner at home to the mighty Barnsley in the cup, so we could be set to see big things from Alli as Spurs’ next opponent, West Ham, also has a championship quality defence.
Ruben Loftus-Cheek – 2 points
RLC was excellent in the game against Southampton. He created many chances and looked really good playing OOP. Unfortunately for him(and us) Benteke missed several chances that RLC would have got an assist for. Another 2 points for RLC. The Chelsea loanee had 3 shots, and made 2 key passes according to Whoscored.com and was Palace’s best player. RLC has impressed ex-Palace manager, Alan Pardew, too, with the manager giving him a dance and a cheeky wink, and telling him to keep it up guv’na.
Romelu Lukaku – 12 points
Well, it looked like it would be pain and anguish for Lukaku captainers this week, right up until the 83rd minute when Lukaku got his assist. 6 minutes later Lukaku stepped up to a free kick and heard the jeers of Everton fans as it hit the wall. 10 seconds later the ball was swung back in by Jese Lingard and Lukaku taps it home. A goal and an assist for Lukaku this week which also gave him 3 bonus points.
Manolo Gabbiadini – 1 point
Bye bye you useless flagpole. Gabbiadini didn’t even score, or start, against the useless Crystal Palace. Next up for Gabbidini is an instant transfer out of our side, while United come after, and a spot on the bench in reality. Backstabiadini regains his name once again. Bye.
Status: WC GONE
Tammy Abraham – 2 points
Swansea were unlikely to score against Spurs away, but even more unlikely is Tammy keeps on starting with Wilfried Bony regaining fitness and surely set to usurp the young English international’s starting XI place. Abraham has pace aplenty but lacks creativity behind him, we could get rid, but he is a cheap enabler. I think Joselu is also a good 5.5 option.
Wayne Hennessey – 3 Points
Hennessey is a decent keeper, but Palace are awful. They’ve gone to 4 at the back and still can’t defend, the issue isn’t the formation or the manager, the issue is the standard of the defence. For 4.5m better goalkeepers are available, one of the first players gone on the WC.
Status: WC Gone
Kevin Long – 0 points
Doesn’t play. Tarkowski had a good performance, and Ben Mee is first name on the team sheet, for 4.0m we have got deadwood, and realistically you shouldn’t expect much more from a 4.0m defender. Chancel Mbemba is a good option to replace at 4.0m
Status: WC Gone
Jason Lokilo – 0 points
His early season chance is gone and he will be an u23 prospect more now than ever since de Boer’s job has come into consideration. A price drop to 4.4 makes the move more difficult. A must go.
Did you know that I pretty much repeated myself for Kevin Long and Jason Lokilo?
Status: WC Gone
Ben Davies – 0 points
Ben Davies was the most transferred in during Gameweek 5, with many managers banking on the highest point scoring defender for points. While Spurs kept a clean sheet, it was without the help of the Welsh wing back. Poch didn’t let anybody know that Davies had picked up a knock midweek in the Champions League, and he was even pictured in pre-game imagery [which always means they’re starting, right?]. Davies didn’t play and got a grand total of 0 points. We replaced Yoshida for him, an 8 point swing. Beautiful.